If you answered true, you’re wrong. You do not have as many hours in a day as Beyonce, and if you have ever posted that quote to Facebook or have it printed on a mug somewhere, I am judging you.
Technically speaking, yes, you and Beyonce have the same 24 hours. But technically speaking there are a lot of things Beyonce has that you don’t. Like I don’t know, maybe a small army of people that do shit for her. Let’s list them, shall we?
GLAM SQUAD + STYLIST
I’d probably be on time to work every day if there were people whose sole responsibility in life was to make me beautiful. I spend the majority of my morning sifting through my closet desperately trying to find something to wear, and then sifting through it a few more times as if a new outfit might magically appear.
Actual time: 2 hours
Beyonce time: 2 hours (Alright I’ll give her this one. I’m sure being beautified takes a while, but she’ll never know the pain of a bicep cramp from blow drying your hair for so long.)
Sam Greenberg, Beyonce’s personal assistant, is like that nerdy girl from high school who you made carry your books around. She’s a little homely, but definitely has potential. Beyonce’s
servant assistant does everything from answer emails to accompanying her on sky diving adventures. Imagine a world where you don’t even have to post your Instagram selfies. Coming up with the caption alone takes 45 minutes.
Actual time: 2-3 hours
Beyonce time: 0 hours
AT-HOME CHEF + PERSONAL TRAINER
Cooking is the bane of my existence. The other day I googled, “How to use a can opener.” Bey’s chef, Marco Borges, says she enjoys the occasional vegan meal, and they’ve partnered to create a 22 day vegan meal delivery service. He even doubles as her personal trainer. In other words, this fucking stalker makes sure Bey never gets a cheat day.
Actual time: 2 hours cooking, 1-2 hours working out
Beyonce time: 0 hours cooking, 1 hours and 15 minutes working out (says Google)
Laundry and changing diapers and washing dishes, oh my. According to the Internet, Blue Ivy has 3 nannies, a handful of body guards and a chauffeur at all times. Imagine being dropped off at school by a security motorcade. As far as laundry and running errands, I’m currently accepting applications for my own maid because my mom isn’t cutting it anymore.
Actual time: 4-5 hours
Beyonce time: 0 hours
I’m famous in lots of ways, but unfortunately none of them make me money. I’m sure Beyonce spends countless hours practicing vocals and dance moves, writing songs, making celebrity appearances and putting on concerts, but in the words of Elle Woods, “What, like it’s hard?” Okay, I’m bitter.
Actual time: 8 hours, Monday-Friday, sitting at my desk.
Beyonce time: N/A
A HIP HOP MOGUL HUSBAND
Everybody say, “Hey Mrs. Carter.” I wonder what it’s like to have a male specimen adore and support you.
Actual time: 2 hours swiping through Tinder
Beyonce time: 0 hours swiping through Tinder
Let me clarify that I acknowledge Beyonce’s hustle to get where she is, and if I had a net worth of $450 million dollars, I’d be paying people to do shit for me too.