I want to be skinny so bad, but I don’t want to put any effort into it. I also have no patience for anything, and if I haven’t lost 5 lbs after 20 minutes of half-ass running on the treadmill, I’m done. But I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that working out doesn’t have to be so bad. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like to sweat, but I’m getting more creative at finding ways to hate my workout less. Spiking my water bottle with vodka might be one of them.
- Save Your Shows: I know binge watching Netflix is like a thing now, but get your dimply ass off the couch and onto the treadmill. One episode of Gossip Girl is equivalent to approximately 45 minutes, which equals like 1/2 a french fry melted from your muffin top, but it’s a start!
- Switch it Up: If you have FOWO (Fear of Working Out), try a workout that doesn’t feel like a workout. My friends and I love going to barre classes. Sometimes I show up hungover and lie on the floor, but just being in that energetic environment feels good. Due to my anger issues, I also thoroughly enjoy kickboxing. I don’t even mind sweating because I get to punch things.
- Get a Personal Trainer: But, proceed with caution. My trainer kicks my ass, and if I whine or throw a tantrum about working out she literally doesn’t even feel sorry for me. Ugh, bitch. If you can’t hold yourself accountable, pay someone else to do it. Pros: My booty is perky. Cons: Working out.
- Find Motivation: I follow the skinniest, sexiest supermodels I can find on Instagram so that they’re always appearing in my newsfeed. I feel like they’re judging me, so while I’ll probably still eat that other donut, at least I considered not eating it. Thinking about all the slutty outfits I’ll fit into when I lose 3 lbs keeps me motivated too.
- Make a Playlist: When my #wurkitout Spotify playlist is on, I can’t help but get in the zone. It’s like being at an EDM concert without the acid.
- Accessorize: The golden rule of working out. If you look good, you feel good. Treat yourself to a new workout wardrobe and tennis shoes. You’ll also need cool af headphones and a gym bag. You wouldn’t go to a nightclub without the right outfit and accessories would you? The gym is no different.
If all else fails, call the plastic surgeon.