In elementary school, I was never one of those cool kids who could wear Abercrombie + Fitch because I was Abercrombie + Fat. But, in 6th grade, puberty hit me like a ton of bricks. Besides all the boys wanting to be #1 on my “top 3” crush list, the highlight of my time in middle school was losing enough weight to buy my first pair of Abercrombie jeans. I even had my first real kiss in a green Abercrombie polo with the iconic giant navy blue moose stitched on one side, popped collar and a big white bow in my hair. (I could tell you what I was wearing for every major event in my life.)
But then one day, Abercrombie just wasn’t anymore. People became annoyed af over that tacky moose we once loved, and then the “Abercrombie hates fat people” scandal happened. The whole world pretended like we were surprised at this, even though Abercrombie hasn’t liked fat people since it was established in 1892, and we were all like “shame on you, Abercrombie” but secretly all the skinny people felt cool.
I’d often walk past the empty Abercrombie stores and almost miss the loud music, “I can’t see what I’m buying because it’s so dark in here” atmosphere and intoxicating smell of the Abercrombie Fierce cologne.
Last spring, my best friend texted me and said she got the cutest crop top at Abercrombie for $5. Can you even buy articles of clothing for that cheap unless you’re at Goodwill!? At first I thought she was under the influence of something, because you don’t just stumble into Abercrombie and find cute things, so I had to investigate this. Lo and behold, Abercrombie has cute shit. The biggest surprise? No moose in sight.
I wondered for a second if I was actually standing in Abercrombie, but the familiar scent of cologne was a dead giveaway. I grabbed a salesperson who looked like she needed a sandwich (some things never change) and I was like, “What is this place?” She was kind of bitchy and confused (like I said, some things never change,) but explained that Abercrombie was “rebranding,” had removed the moose from the majority of items and was attempting to re-energize their image. I looked around and saw adorable jeans, denim jackets, tops and flowy dresses. That day I bought a pair of overalls, a white and black patterned dress, a halter crop top, the softest baseball tee I’ve ever laid my hands on and an off the shoulder floral print maxi dress. All for less than $100. I never had the attention span for those Narnia books, but if I had, I would compare it to this. Don’t they like go through a wardrobe or something?
To be honest, I wasn’t going to share this secret with you because I’m petty like that, but I have some bad karma I’m trying to make up for so here you fucking go. I swear to you this is not a joke. THIS IS REAL LIFE. Don’t believe me? Find out for yourself —> www.Abercrombie.com. The cherry on top of this entire thing is that they are always having sales so you never have to buy anything full price. Over the weekend I got the cutest t-shirt dress for $28 (originally $48.)
I’d also like to say that I’m not being paid for this post because Abercrombie hasn’t made that much of a recovery, and even though I think I’m cool, so far I’m not cool enough to get paid for writing about people’s products. But I’m not above that, so Abercrombie if you’re reading this and would like to pay me in cash or clothes, please visit my Contact section.
Do I think Abercrombie will ever be the popular kid of retail again? Probably not. But they’re attempting to make a hell of a comeback, and I’m having fun benefitting from it.